You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
