Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
