it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
