the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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