The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
