I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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