I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
