well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
