Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
