Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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