It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
