She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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