I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
