I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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