Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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