I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
