When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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