I'm passing your future prison.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
