Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
