Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
