i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
