seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
