Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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