If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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