OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
