Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You can't just leave with hair like that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
