i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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