the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
