dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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