Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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