...so i touched it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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