I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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