I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
