come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
