woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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