Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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