Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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