he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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