Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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