Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
