I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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