When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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