Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.