At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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