Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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