Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
