Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
