So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My liver is preforming stress tests.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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