i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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