And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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