he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
