i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
