Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i think i just lost a toe
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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