hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i dont even know how to be here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
