i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
