my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
