You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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