D3 body, D1 cock
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
