I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
