I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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