I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
