You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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