I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
