The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize