hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
