hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This toilet bowl is my home.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
