Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
