the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
