You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
