That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
