How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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