thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
