Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
