I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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