God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
