Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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