Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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