what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
