I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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