I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
